Sexy adult stuff

For many there's a lure to Las Vegas beyond the gambling the bars and the restaurants. For them there comes a point in the day when they say to themselves, "You know, this is all nice and good, but I'm really in the mood see some saline-stuffed breasts and sip on some $8 beers." This means a trip to Vegas' world-famous strip clubs. Here you can burn through money even faster than at a craps table, with an even smaller chance for a big score. That said, the scenery is fan-freakin'-tastic. Sun-kissed California beauties who flew in for the weekend, lovely young co-eds earning a semester's tuition in one night, off-duty porn stars, the high-dollar Vegas nudie bars features them all.

Some of the best include the Spearmint Rhino, Cheetah's, Olympic Gardens and Club Paradise. Any cab driver can also give recommendations, but be a little suspicious of what they tell you. Supposedly many clubs give kickbacks to cabbies who funnel visitors their way. If you really want to learn where to go, ask a dealer or pit boss. In our experience we've found them to be more objective about bars, clubs and restaurants. Plus they often deal to off-shift dancers, so they know where the hottest ones are working.

If you do decide to go to a strip club, let's make this very clear: Unless you're Tommy Lee or have a wallet fatter than Jabba the Hutt, you're not going to pick up any of these ladies. It won't happen. You WILL NOT score at a Vegas strip club. That means you'll be leaving in a rather agitated state and maybe not thinking clearly. Which brings us to our next point...

Prostitution isn't legal in Las Vegas. Never mind that seemingly hundreds of people will try and hand you fliers and cards advertising "escorts," prostitution is illegal here. That's not to say it doesn't happen. It happens a lot. Somebody's calling the numbers on those fliers and somebody's earning some money, but the fact remains they're breaking the law.

That said, the state of Nevada licenses legal brothels outside of major metropolitan areas. If you want a hooker -- legally -- you have to leave the city limits and get thee to one of the state-certified cathouses. It's a pretty expensive cab ride and you can rest assured nothing that goes on inside the walls of the brothel is cheap. There's no set price, since everything is negotiable, but you can count on being out several hundred dollars by the time you make it back to your hotel.

Not surprisingly -- because we're absolute pigs, and we like it like that -- everything mentioned so far has been aimed pretty directly at men. But what about the ladies? Where's a girl to go if she wants to see some mostly-nekkid guys oiled up and pelvic-thrusting? Start with a show of "Thunder From Down Under" at the Excalibur. These Australian imports have far less body hair and far better pecs than Crocodile Dundee. Also consider a visit to the Rio for good old-fashioned Chippendale dancers.

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Las Vegas!