Clearly, T.J., you're a man of sophistication, so it hurts me to tell an aristocrat such as yourself that the Adult Entertainment Expo (wait until you're at home to check that link; opening it at work would be a bad idea) was already held in January of this year. Sorry. But it's not too early to start planning for next year. The 2010 Expo opens on January 7. That's the month it's held in each year, not June.

As for what it's like, it's a convention featuring pornography and pornography models, directors, photographers and distributors. So it's a lot like a Stephen Hawking lecture, only minus the theoretic cosmological math and a whole lot more autographed portraits of women cuddling battery-powered technology.

Also — let's be clear — there are a lot of women in Vegas all the time. A porno convention might marginally raise the average cup size for a weekend, but it also raises one more thing: the number of dudes in town. If you go to a car convention there might be a hundred cars on the showcase floor and several thousand automobile enthusiasts. So, following logically, a porn convention holds booths of porn stars and a throbbing throng of porn enthusiasts –- a bunch of sweaty-elbowed gentlemen preoccupied with the fabric in their pockets and the flash drives in their digital cameras. Also swooping (Swooping? Let's say lumbering and wheezing from the effort.) into town the same weekend is CES, the Consumer Electronics Show. Yes, add gadget-loving geeks to the horny guy mix.

During the conventions, you can find porn stars hanging around the hip clubs and ultralounges like Pure (Caesars Palace) and Tao (Venetian). They "host" those "parties." Which means they stand behind the bar and talk to the dudes who ponied up 30 dollars each to attend the "party," which, I'll mention again, is held in a bar and costs money.

Reading between the lines I get the feeling you're asking (without asking) "Is there a chance I'll score with a porn starlet?" Let's run down a fast checklist to find out:

• Are you Michael Jordan?
• Are you Tommy Lee?
• Are you a well-known producer of straight Hollywood films with "a role for a promising young actress such as you"?

If the answer to all three of those questions is "no," you're more likely to hit a slot machine jackpot than to wind up slapping skins with any of the featured talent. And the area brothels won't be running any discount offers during that busy week.

The porn convention is normally held at in the Sands Expo Center, and a three-day pass in 2009 year cost $240. Best of luck, T.J.